Buffy the Vampire Slayer : the movie
We began our rewatch by… something we’d actually never watched before: the 1992 Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie (directed by Fran Rubel Kuzui, written by Josh Whedon and with Kristy Swanson as Buffy). We emerged from it… a bit bewildered.
This article contains mild spoilers about the Buffy movie.
Tellington: What the fuck did we just watch?
Vallantyn: … I have questions. Probably to my therapist.
T: What would those questions be?
V: Like… are we sure we’re talking about the same “Buffy” here? There’s a blonde cheerleader with a wooden stick and apparently she stabs… people ? creatures ? with fangs… and pointy ears.
T: Vampires that kinda look like elves.
V: Yeah… If elves had a metal band.
T: The metal vibe was definitely there. Hair metal?
V: I wanna say yes, but that would probably be some kind of insult to hair metal.
T: So… yeah. Not exactly the same Buffy, but not exactly a different one either, because there is some continuity between this and the show. Like, the Buffy we know and love is coming from Los Angeles when she arrives in Sunnydale. I believe the name of her LA high school is the same as well. And she does mention that she was a cheerleader as well as a kind of fashion queen (and/or mean girl) before becoming the Slayer, so that could make sense. Other details don’t match, though. Like, if there was really a continuity, she would not react that way when she meets Giles. We would hear about her first watcher, Merrick and maybe her (ex-)boyfriend Pike. Her mom is not the same either. Oh, and last but not least she’s older in the movie than she is in season 1!
V: Not that it matters, she also has a dad there
T: No that’s normal actually. She says her parents splitted because of her becoming the Slayer.
V: But that’s in the show, are you from the future? Anyhoo, we have Buffy, check. Merrick here is her “Watcher”. Apparently they’re all British, and their job is to train Slayers, generations after generations.
T: Oh yeah, another inconsistency: Merrick acts like he is the only Watcher, and he somehow reincarnates as such life after life.
V: I believe that’s just his British side.
T: So, how would you pitch the movie to someone who hasn’t seen it?
V: Well… Depends, if you want that person to watch it or not. If I’m being realistic, it would be: “Buffy, a teenage girl, is revealed to be the Slayer. Her mission is to fight the forces of Evil. But as a teenager, how can she balance that with her cheerleading practice, and hanging out with her friends?”. A more catchy one would be: “Buffy fights an evil metal band of Vampires that invaded Los Angeles.”
T: I kinda like the first pitch as well, though.
V: The second one is really how it felt though. Not to forget: “With the help of her punk friend Pike”.
T: Yeah… You noticed that was close to Spike, uh? I wonder if that’s a coincidence or if Whedon just really like names like these.
V: I mean… I find a few similarities between the two: they’re punk, in the script apparently Pike was supposed to wear long coats. The name is kinda similiar, and I find that Luke Perry (Pike’s actor) and James Masters (Spike’s actor) have similar features. Here it feels more like Pike is a mix between Spike and Xander, ish. Maybe a first draft that got split in two (or more) characters.
T: I guess we’ll have to research this!
V: There’s a few stuff on the subject of Pike on the Internet, but nothing that really makes a parallel between Spike and Pike. Anyway… If you’re familiar with the gang of the show, you won’t find many similarities here. You can kinda say that Merrick is probably a first draft on Giles, but appart from him there’s only Buffy in common between the two.
T: OK but apart from the differences, how did you like this movie?
V: I was a bit surprised, it starts kinda serious, but when you get to the end it feels like everything just… becomes chaotic? Lothos (Rutger Hauer), the big bad, with his electric violin and his katana… His right-arm man (pun intended) who refuses to die… It feels like the writers went through a nervous breakdown at the end and hoped we wouldn’t notice.
T: That was pretty fun, and kitsch.
V: I blame the 90s’ for that.
T: Don’t get me started on Buffy’s Madonna looks.
V: Between that and her “Flashdance Slayer” mode, I can’t really choose my favorite.
T: There was a few iconic lines/moments as well. Funny ones, mostly. But actually I was looking through quotes to jolt my memory and it made me think of something else I’d like to talk about… When she says “Great, my secret weapon is PMS” because she has uterine cramps when a Vampire is near. I’m glad they didn’t keep that in the show.
V: Right! Almost forgot about that. There’s a few things that are here, but I’m not really sure they add anything. The cramp thing is kinda like a “spider sense” for her, but I don’t recall a moment where that’s really important. Lothos apprently controls Buffy with music, but it’s never really clear why or how. It just is… Also: Vampires can fly, but apparently can’t go over fences…
T: Oh yeah, Vampires levitate somehow!
V: It’s shown a few times, but it feels like a gimmick. Like when there’s a Vampire at Pike window that levitates (and Pike is just like: go home, you’re not well). When Lothos is introduced, he just… levitates down to the floor… And there’s one Vampire who uses it to cheat at basketball… But they somehow never figured how to levitate above a (kinda average) fence.
T: Yeah and it’s not really useful for the plot? A Chekov’s gun opportunity missed. Anyway, I saw a lot of articles claiming that “actually, 20 years later, let’s admit it was a good movie” and I’m still not sure how I feel about that? Someone on Twitter told me that Whedon wanted it as a more horrific movie with a bit of comedy, but that production had him tone it down into more of a comedic movie with a bit of horror.
V: Honestly I’m not really sure there’s really any horror left. The show was more successful on that front, being more serious with humoristic undertones. Here the comedic side is sometimes a bit too much. Most of the characters are at best clueless. It feels like Merrick is the only sane character, and he somehow slapped reality in Buffy’s face, who did the same with Pike. It’s not a bad movie, but I wouldn’t say it’s a good one either. Maybe it didn’t age well, but I think it’s best enjoyed if you really don’t take it seriously in the first place. Between the PMS spider sense and the “what if classical Dracula had a metal band” Vampires, I don’t really see how you can take it seriously. It is serious for maybe the first half, then the mood devolves into “at this point we weren’t paid enough to not drink on the job”.
T: I guess that’s the advice I would have for potential viewers: don’t take it seriously.
V: It’s a first draft. The show will improve on that. If you already watched the show don’t try and make a parallel between the two, there isn’t much on that front. Also: Vampires don’t explode in dust here.
T: Oh yeah, I forgot about that! It was weird. As for the parallel… sure, that’s exactly what we did, but we are a Buffy (mostly the TV series) rewatch blog, aren’t we?
V: Still, it was interesting to see how it started, where it comes from. What it was built upon. Well… it mostly burned everything to the ground.
T: Plus we’re in 2023, I couldn’t spend one more year claiming to be a Buffy fan without at least trying to see this movie.
V: Feeling better yet?
T: Yeah, I guess. I just have to read the comics now. OH NO, I’m exposing myself as a fake fan!
V: Oh boy…